Simon says stand! Simon says sit! Format drive C:! Ha! Gotcha!

People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten.

Due to budget cuts the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

A rock ----> me <---- A hard place

...now touch these wires to your tongue!

A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1

A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.

Haven't I seen you on a milk carton?

All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.

I'm a internaut and I'm OK. I surf all night and I sleep all day.

Artificial Intelligence: Making computers behave like they do in the movies.

Avoid temporary variables and strange women.

Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.

A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering everywhere.

Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

Honey, I Formatted the Kid!

Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once...

How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows.

One picture is worth 128K words.

Overflow on /dev/null; please empty the bit bucket.

One man's constant is another man's variable.

Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

What do computer engineers use for birth control? Their personalities.

grep..grep..grep... (a Frog with UNIX stuck in its' throat)

Your password is pitifully obvious.

Ghandi would have smacked you in the head.

Life in a vacuum sucks.

A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.

A pessimist is never disappointed.

If I save the whales, where do I keep them?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.

It's all fun and games,'till someone loses an eye! Then it's a *SPORT*

Lottery: A tax on people who don't understand statistics.

Marriage is not a word: it is a sentence.

Jesus is coming, look busy

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Hold a hard drive to your ear -- listen to the C:

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Two thirds of Americans can't do fractions. The other half, just don't care.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

1024x768x256... Sounds like one mean woman.

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

"Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing."

Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free.

Drop your carrier ... we have you surrounded!

Back up my hard disk? I can't find the reverse switch!

Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity.

DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"...

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

File not found, I'll load something *I* think is interesting.

New Mail not found. Start whine-pout sequence? (Y/N)

Press any key to start formatting the hard disk.

General Brain Failure. (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (O)h.

But I thought YOU did the backups...

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy?

"Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?"

I Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse.

Hey, whats that beeping noise? Wheres that smoke coming from?

Keyboard not connected, press F13 to continue

FATAL ERROR! SYSTEM HALTED! - Press any key to do nothing...

Reality.Sys corrupted -- Reboot Universe (Y/N)?

OS/2? What's that? Half of an Operating System?

"How to Boil Water, in 500 easy steps" by Chuck Forsberg.

Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources.

Half of the people in the world are below average.

"Calm down. It's only ones and zeros."

Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\>

Computers can never replace human stupidity

Politics: Poli (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites)

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer

(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened...

Bugs come in through open Windows.

Blessed are the pessimists, for they make backups!

Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for ye shall not be disappointed.

Brain over - Insert coin

COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.

Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.

JESUS SAVES, passes to Moses, he shoots. It's good! He scores!

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left

Why does the person that snores always fall asleep first?

Windows is a colorful clown suit for DOS.

DEL *.* does WHAT?

The most expensive component always breaks first.

Mouse not found. Driver not installed. Click to continue.

One person's error is another person's data.

Dogs crawl under gates, software crawls under Windows!

A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.

As easy as 1, 2, 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841

Windows isn't a virus... Viruses do something...

Get in touch with normal people. Leave us alone.

Fatal mouse error. (B)ury or (R)eplace?

WindowError:005 Multitasking attempted. System confused.

Sector not found... Did you look under the sofa?

There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

96.7% of all statistics are made up.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

"Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition."

"Tell me what you think, Captain, I'm all ears" - Spock

(A)bort, (R)etry or (G)et a stick and kill it.

Backup aborted: Please remove disk #192 and start over.

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

C program run, C program crash, C programmer cry.

Definition of Terror: A female Klingon with PMS.

Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.

Experience: What you get when you don't get what you want

Friends don't let friends use Windows.

He's got a magnet!!! Everybody BACKUP!!!!!!!!

I tod yo, "Nevertouch he flopy dik suface!

I'm miserable without you, it's like having you here.

I've seen better conversations in alphabet soup.

If IBMs have Bugs, Do APPLES have Worms?

If Windows is User-Friendly, why do you need to read a 672 pages manual?

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

I think, therefore I am. I think.

If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing

It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit!

Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square!

Junk: stuff we throw away. Stuff: junk we keep.

Keyboard not found. Press any key to continue

MicroSoft Windows... a virus with mouse support.

Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open.

Nothing beats Windows, it keeps loading and loading and loading...

Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible.

Optimist: Someone who doesn't know all the facts yet.

RAM = Rarely Adequate Memory.

Remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.

The awful price of purity is Puritans.

Vuja De - the feeling you'll be here later.

A cynic smells the flowers and looks for the coffin.

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...

Every silver lining has a cloud.

Reality is that part of the imagination we all agree on.

Diplomacy is saying: "Nice doggie!"... till you can find a rock.

Avoid generalisations: they are NEVER valid.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Press Ctrl-Alt-Del for unlimited access to this system.

What on earth is a "free gift"? Aren't all gifts free?

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may just be happy.

THE GOLDEN RULE: He who has the gold makes the rules.

She lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted looks.

Pronoia = the suspicion that others are conspiring behind your back to HELP you.

Sorry... my mind has a few bad sectors.

Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.

The best defense against logic is stupidity.

User - a technical term used by computer pros. See idiot.

User not Found. (S)mile, (L)augh, (T)hank God?

Whatever you delete today, you desperately need tomorrow.

When you kill a bug, ten more come for the funeral.

Windows 3.1: the best $99 solitare game I've ever seen!

Windows Error: 001 - Windows loaded. System in danger.

Windows Error: 002 - No error yet ...

Windows Error: 003 - Operator fell asleep while waiting.

Windows Error: 004 - Erroneous error. Nothing wrong.

Windows Error: 010 - Reserved for future mistakes

Windows v47.4 - We **FINALLY** got it right!!!

Windows... Just say no!

Windows:(n.)1. Something that comes with the mouse you bought.

Windows:(n.)2. The Gates of hell.

Windows:(n.)3. The solution to a problem that didn't exist before

Windows:(n.)4. Proof that God has a sense of humor.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

He's not dead -- He's electroencephalographically challenged.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.